Last Monday morning, Carly, who is 9, woke up so excited that she could not stand it! It was the day that she was going to find out if she made the school drama club.
She was pretty much certain that the video that she had recorded of herself was going to make the cut. She'd taken the initiative to download the Flipgrid app on her own, logged herself in, and recorded her own audition. There were several parts to choose from and she chose the one in a British accent, thinking it would really win the judge over.
"Carly, have you prayed about this?" I asked as we were eating breakfast.
"Yes, I did. Did you, mom?"
"Yes. But I didn't pray that you'd make it. I prayed for God's will to be done. If He wants you in the club, I know that you'll get in. If he has different plans for you, I trust Him in that too."
We all finished getting ready, checking off our morning To-Do lists and made our way towards school. When it was her turn to pray in the van, she prayed,
"God, if you want me in the drama club, that would be great, but if not, I trust that you know what's best for me and I'll be okay with whatever you choose."
I was kind of stunned by her prayer.
These babies are listening. To every word. My words matter more than I can even comprehend.
Not long after I dropped her off, I got the email. I think there were around 135 kids who tried out and only 25-35 made it. She did NOT.
My heart sank a bit. All mommas want their babies to be happy. To succeed. To make the team. The club. But I knew I had to take my own advice and trust God's plan for her.
Trust that he knows ALL THINGS and that my babies are His babies too.
Growing up Catholic, we had to learn a lot of prayers, one being the "Our Father." It's one that I still pray, because it comes right out of the book of Matthew, chapter 6. It says, "this, then, is how we should pray... Our Father, Lord in Heaven, hallowed be your name, your Kingdom come, YOUR will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven..."
Your will be done... God's will. Not necessarily "my" will.
I so often prayed, "God! Be on my side. See things my way. Do what I want you to do. Please make this happen or that happen. My prayers honestly focus on ME and what I wish and are less about God and His Will.
As I have been reading more about prayer, I am learning that our time in prayer shouldn't just be begging for "Our" way, but asking God to help us accept "His" way.
To trust that He is much more knowing than us.
To trust that His ways are higher and better than my ways.
I am still very much learning what it means and looks like to trust God. It is exactly the opposite of my worry-wart ways. My anxiousness. My impatience. Frustration even for unanswered prayers.
Not along after she didn't make the drama club, which practices 2 days a week after school, we both realized that 4th grade kicks up a notch academically. We spend a good amount of time after school together going through her work and studying for test. It works out great that she comes right home everyday and we can get her work done. Some days I send up a "Thank you God for doing things your way!" knowing that we need this time to focus on her academics. She also has her eyes on some other activities that are less time consuming and that I know she is going to enjoy.
Was she disappointed with the news? Heck yes! Me, too! I know she would have loved it, but NO today doesn't mean NO forever. Maybe next year it will work out for her. Maybe God already knew we needed this time for other things.
That's the thing. We have to trust that He knows.
The more I trust God, the less anxious I feel. The less hard I have to work and think about how things are going to turn out. It gives me a sense of peace and understanding that I can pass on to my babies.
I still have a looooooong way to go on this. If you could have only seen the way I crumbled last week when the hurricane appeared to be coming our way. (Thank God it didn't!) Oh, boy....I have a lot to learn. Maybe trusting God in these little things will eventually lead to me having greater trust in bigger things.
I do know that when I can pray, Your will be done, and believe it, everyone in my home can have much calmer mother and even greater Joy in the Chaos.